I mentioned in my earlier post about me working in Puerto Rico for four months. I loved it and didn’t want to come back. It was bittersweet on so many fronts. First because I got to stay in and see some of the most beautiful and romantic places I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I was totally alone. I thought what a pity not to have anyone to share seeing and experiencing this with.
I’ve also made mention about not being able to speak Spanish that well. It caused me some problems to say the least. I took Spanish while I was in high school and about 20 years had passed before I tried to speak even the slightest bit. My memory being as faulty as it is I really made a botch of it. One of those ways I really goofed up was when I tried to order chicken. I like chicken a lot, especially fried which yes I should cut back on if not eliminate. :-(
Well imagine this Puerto Rico in the fall (I got there in late October) felt like Mississippi in July. We had some guys that came down from places like North Dakota got off the plane felt the heat and humidity and turned right back around and left. It ended up being southern folks for the most part that worked the duration and one really tough assed little woman from Michigan.
So one day I get off work, I’m covered in dust and sweat and go into a Burger King around the block from my hotel. I walk up to the counter and in my best Spanish order an International Chicken Special which was supposed to be a chicken sandwich, fires and a drink. There was rather beautiful and more than fairly attractive young lady behind the counter. At 6’ 5” I’m towering over her looking down at her and there I’m a big black sweaty dusty gringo stranger.
Her eyes flew wide and she gasped and her hand flew to her mouth in stunned shock. She rattled off something in Spanish much too fast for me to catch even a piece of it.
A lady manager in the back rushed out front and asked me what I wanted. I know that some of them speak English so I thought maybe I’d better try placing my order in English the second time. I did so the manager said oh okay and put the order in. After I got the food I sat down and I noticed the girl just kept on looking at me, every time I’d look up she’d smile, blush and look away.
I thought it was very odd and noted it in my mind as something to check out further when the opportunity availed itself. The next few times I’d go back in there I always ordered in English or point to what I wanted on the menu and if that same girl was there she’d smile big whenever she saw me and keep on smiling when as I ate.
After about two weeks at that hotel they moved me to another hotel and work site. I got partnered up with another inspector and we were at a debris collection site which was also a city operated garbage and refuse dump. There was also a very pretty young lady that worked in the office there. She spoke no English.
My coworker decided he wanted to flirt with the young lady. He was picking at her one day which she went out for lunch and came back with an order of Church’s chicken. As he was attempting to tease her he asked for a piece of chicken.
She looked totally clueless, so being the last Boy Scout I jumped in unasked mind you to translate what he was saying. I told her my comrade would like a piece of your chicken and she let out a yelp and ran into their office. It was less than a minute later that one of her male coworkers came bursting out of the office all bowed up ready to fight and asked what the hell was going on?
I again noticed the very odd reaction and explained that my coworker was trying to tease the young lady and had asked her through me for a piece of her chicken. He smiled and nodded and went back into the office. I again made note of the reactions and decided once again to investigate it further.
A third time after I got off I stopped in one of their local fast food chains called “Pollo Tropical” or Tropical Chicken. Once again I go up to the counter; there was a pretty woman behind the counter. I place my order and get this look of pure loathing and hate in return. The woman looked at me as if I had shot her mother or a bus full of orphans and nuns. I was like “whoa self, don’t order chicken again until you find out what’s going on”.
I once again said in English, “May I have your tropical chicken special to go”. She gave me the order, but was none too happy about doing so. I made sure to never go back into that store again.
After I had been there a month I was finally given a local that spoke English fluently as well as his native Spanish. I and he became quick friends. He told me a lot about the local history and culture. After a bit I felt comfortable enough with him to ask what I was doing wrong.
He said he didn’t know, but suggested I ask him in Spanish the same way I’d been asking everyone else. I did so and wasn’t prepared for his reaction. He fell down on the ground rolling in the dust holding his sides and laughing so hard he was crying uncontrollably. This went on for about five minutes. When he finally got himself under control he said “Dude, you’ve been ordering ASS!”
He started back laughing when he saw the look of comprehension spread across my face and then we both started laughing at my embarrassment. This just goes to show you how much I like ass, even when I can’t speak the language properly somehow I still manage how to tell pretty girls what I like and want. ;-)
So in the future if you hear me make an order saying, “I want some 'chicken'", you'll know what’s up and what I've got on my mind. :-)
Before I close just imagine me there; I was the first time asking for an "international ass special"; the second time telling that young lady that my coworker wants "a piece of your ass" and the third time placing an order for a "tropical ass special" to go. I learned how to say "chicken" properly in Spanish, but will still try English first if the need ever arose again. :-)
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